Have you ever been to an Italian wedding?
I don’t mean a U.S. wedding with an Italian theme or a destination wedding in Italy filled with foreigners, but a real, authentic Italian wedding in Italy?
If you have, you know what fun they can be. But to be totally honest, they can also be a little stressful.
The culture and customs being different from what you are used to can cause some anxiety over how to be a good guest on someone’s most important day.
In my time in Italy, I’ve had the privilege of attending weddings in the north and the south, for both family and friends, and I’ve come up with a few differences worth noting as well as some advice on how to fit in.
1.) The weddings are interactive.
If the ceremony is in a church, it will be interactive.
Italians don’t sit idly through a two-hour wedding and mass without uttering a word.
They stand up, they sit down, they repeat prayers and answer others, they greet those around them with a smile and a “pace” (peace) and it is expected that everyone knows the right time to cross oneself.
It can be a lot to take in for non-Catholics or just non-native Italian speakers since the ceremonies are conducted in Italian.
If you’re not sure what to do, sitting quietly will be fine, but, if you get a libretto (booklet), I recommend trying to follow along.
Personally, my favorite parts about church weddings are at the end when the congregation asks various saints to pray for them.
It goes something like this for about 10-15 minutes:
Priest: Santa Caterina.
Congregation: Prega per noi.
Priest: Santa Felicita e Santa Beatrice.
Congregation: Pregate per noi…
and on and on….and on and on.
It’s amazing how many saints are mentioned on someone’s wedding day!
2.) Food is integral.
I have never seen, nor eaten, as much food as at my cousin’s wedding in Southern Italy.
I am not kidding when I say we ate from 1pm to 10pm. Even in the north, a large display of food is the norm, so come hungry.
3.) Fish is everywhere.
Especially in the south, having a fish course or many fish courses is a sign of wealth.
Don’t be surprised if every dish has fish somehow integrated into it (those with allergies beware!).
At my friend’s wedding in September, for example, we ate crab, lobster, turbot, salmon and shrimp just during the sit-down portion of the meal.
At the cocktail hour there was another spread of seafood that included raw fish, fried fish and squid salad.
4.) Expect some throw-back songs on the dance floor.
Italians love a good old school jam from the USA. I’ve heard everything from the YMCA to Gloria Gainor to Ghostbusters.
If it’s a song you can sing loudly and dance to, it probably will be played.
5.) Traditional weddings include photos with the bride and groom and every single guest.
Normally, the bride and groom wait in a specific room and one by one (or in couples) the guests will go to take their photo with them.
Everyone must be in a photo, including babies and children.
Also, no matter how you know the couple, the women stand next to the groom and the men stand next to the bride.
Don’t make the mistake I did by trying to stand next to my cousin (the bride) – the photographer nearly dropped his camera in shock.
6.) You can wear black.
It used to be that wearing black to a wedding was bad luck (and I’ve heard stories involving elderly nonni spitting on the black clad guests!).
However, at both of the most recent weddings I attended, I noticed many guests in black and no one was bothered by it.
It seems this old tradition has mostly gone away, but if you want to be safe, avoid black (or white) and stick to seasonal colors — darker in the winter and lighter in the spring or summer.
7.) Wedding favors almost always include confetti or candy coated almonds.
Even if these aren’t provided in little satchels (bomboniere) at your seat, they are almost always provided in a bowl on the table or at the exit.
White is the traditional color, but now you can find them in the wedding colors as well.
Often times they are given out in fives to represent happiness, fertility, longevity, health and wealth for the sposi (bride and groom).
8.) The traditional Italian wedding cake is called a millefoglie cake.
This is a type of thin cake made with many flaky, crunchy, pastry layers and lots of delicious cream, berries or chocolate in between.
Lately, however, the American style cake is becoming popular in Italy and people are opting for those cakes instead.
Sometimes they will provide both so that both the traditional guests and more modern guests are happy.
9.) Gifts are given – but usually they’re monetary.
A bridal registry is still a new thing in Italy and not very popular, so money in an envelope with a nice card is still considered the gift of choice.
Oftentimes the bride and groom (sometimes with their parents on either side of them) will receive guests in a line and as they approach, guests are expected to give over the “donations” and lavish the couple with auguri or well wishes.
10.) The luna di miele, or honeymoon, comes after the wedding.
And by after, I mean long after.
For example, if a couple is married in the summer, they may wait until the winter to escape to somewhere warm.
As long as the honeymoon happens in the first year of marriage it is totally normal to wait awhile before heading out on vacation.
What about you? Have you ever attended a wedding in Italy? Was it hard to blend in?
Hello, I’m from northern Italy. This is a good article albeit I’ve never had a lot of fish in our Weddings, nor mine-I must say that here Luna di miele is right after the Wedding day. The last Wedding I attended was in Padova (Veneto), in August, the newlywed couple went to Luna di miele two days after the Wedding day. We have a lot of food at our Weddings either, we don’t eat from 1pm to 10pm. At my Wedding we ate from 1pm to 6pm, while in the last Wedding we sat to eat from 7pm to 1am.
Ciao! Thanks for commenting again. It’s always interesting to hear other perspectives. I went to two weddings last year in Italy (for Italians) and both served fish and both had delayed honeymoons! At the one I went to in the south (Puglia) we ate straight from 1pm to 10pm, and it was amazing! 🙂 I think its important to keep in mind of course we are speaking in generalities, with all of these things. Someone could as easily elope as have a 3 day wedding in Venice! Thanks again for sharing your experiences!
Rachel, my daughter recently attended a family wedding in southern Italy. From her experience I can say your descriptions are accurate. Do you happen to know what the average monetary wedding gift amount is in Italy?
Ciao, I am glad you found it spot on! 🙂 I would say at least 100 euro is the norm.
Just discovered your website. My wife and I were invited to a wedding of a cousin in Sicily. We couldn’t go but are customs and various greetings different there?
Customs are slightly different all over Italy, but this article hits the main ones. 🙂
HI Rachel, I am attending a wedding in Italy where the groom is italian but the bride is German. Im not sure what to expect there nor what to wear. I was told they dont like black at italian weddings so I am going to play it safe there and that they may have a change of clothes between the church and reception. Please help!
Hi Katrina, I just saw this now, apologies! I hope you had a great time! And if you didn’t go yet, any muted color besides black is a good bet. That said, in the south of Italy, all bets are off! Just be you! 🙂
Hi Rachel! As regards fish, yes, it is true, but when you confirm the bride and the groom your presence at their wedding, they will ask you if you have any allergies, if you prefer meat instead of fish (or a vegetarian menu), if you need a gluten free meal and so on. When you arrive at the restaurant, all the staff pay you special attention.
Glad you agree and enjoyed the article 🙂
Thanks for the informative information. I have relatives in Scicily and will be attending a wedding. I am struggling with what to wear. I have been told by some people long dresses should be worn. Does anyone know the answer to that? The wedding is September 1st.
Thank you.
Hi Toni! Long dresses are normally appropriate for weddings in Italy, but Sept 1 in Sicily is going to be HOT. In my experience you will see a gamut of dresses and attire, from casual to super formal. Unless they specified a dress code you can 1. simply ask them – they won’t be offended or 2. bank on the fact that you’re straniere and therefore will be forgiven if you make a mistake. I personally would wear a shorter dress and have 0 doubts about it, mostly due to the weather and the fact that in every wedding I have been to in Italy, even the most fancy at the Four Seasons, many people were in short dresses. 🙂 Hope that helps!
Thank you.
Hello, great article, thank you! You saved me major embarrassment as I did not know about the monetary gift to give while being greeted by the bride and groom.
It’s also fine if you provide them a card with the money inside in the card collection box 🙂
Hello from Montréal,
I have been invited to a wedding in Vasto, in the south of Italy. They are expecting 100 guests. The feast and festivities take place in a restaurant. My question: at the end of the evening do I ask the waiter for the check, or are the bride and groom paying! (I hope not)
Grazie
Ciao! If the bride and groom arranged the dinner, you absolutely do not ask for the check! If this is a small dinner you’re having with them before or after, you could offer it as a gift. Otherwise, the wedding dinner is on them! Just like it would be in north american weddings, imagine if you went to a wedding and offered to pay! 🙂 Hope that helps!
Hello 🙂
Have again the question about wearing black on italian wedding? I will attend a wedding in Rome beginning of July, it will be more evening party starting 6pm. Do you think its ok to wear a black dress or its better to avoid it?
Thanks in advance!
Regards,
Marta
Ciao Marta,
Many people do wear black, but overall it is not the preferred color for weddings. I advise, especially being summer in Rome, going with another color!
Have fun!